You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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