1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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