does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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