When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
