I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
