I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize