Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize