yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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