I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
