You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
