Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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