cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
