she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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