Me too!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I pour the whiskey from now on
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
