Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
