She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
