When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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