so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
