just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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