We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
