I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
