Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
