I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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