Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
