Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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