Little spoons don't ask big questions
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
