So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
