but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
