thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize