I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this just has baby written all over it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
