i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
