Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
