I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Farmville is her only friend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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