Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
