Already got asked if we're dating
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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