the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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