it hurts more in the daytime
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
