That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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