i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
50% drunk capacity currently
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
