Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
