The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
