took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
BRING THE BAGELS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize