WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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