So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
