Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
