The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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