Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize