Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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