New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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