Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
