I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
