hotel room ftw
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
