Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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