he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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