Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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