Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
