at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
