I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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