Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
