Your mouth is God's brothel.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
