I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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