You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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