i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
