i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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