am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
