Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
