Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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