The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
