My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize