She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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