someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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