I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize