I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize