i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
