that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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