Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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