i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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