i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
